


(because i want to love you) with my heart

by ataxophilia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 01:32:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3100073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ataxophilia/pseuds/ataxophilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Platonic?" Bucky's palm presses absently against the curve of his shoulder, where his own Mark sits heavy on his skin. "That's possible?"</p><p>A Soulmate AU, but not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(because i want to love you) with my heart

**Author's Note:**

> For Libby, who said, 'steve/bucky soulmate au where they aren't each other's soulmates' and lots of other hurtful things.
> 
> Unbeta'd, because I just wanted to get this posted. Let me know if you see any mistakes.
> 
> Warnings for mentions of domestic abuse and prejudiced violence. 
> 
> Some points: the Clint/Bucky dynamic is one I am super invested in; there should be more soulmate aus exploring the cases that don't fit the mould; Clint and Natasha as a platonic soulmate relationship is so important; I've sort of grabbed a whole bunch of soulmate tropes and smushed them together, and for that I am sorry; the rest of this is entirely Libby's fault.

Bucky doesn't even fucking find out -- doesn't think about it at all, honestly, except to be grateful that there wasn't anyone lurking in the corner of his mind feeling what he's been feeling for the last seventy-odd years -- until he catches sight of Clint's Mark, high on his hip, and realises with a jolt he's seen it before. 

Clint's mid-sentence, ranting on about something that happened years ago somewhere in Central Europe, Prague, maybe, but Bucky stops listening as soon as he sees the five black bars, each slightly shorter than the last, tapering to a point aiming towards his stomach. It's familiar in the way all his memories from his Winter Soldier years are -- too sharp and yet too uncertain at the same time; painfully clear but without any sort of context -- so it takes him a moment to place it, but when he does he can't stop his harsh inhalation. 

Clint trails off at the sound, lowering his mug to the counter and shifting into a more steady pose. Out of all the people Steve has introduced Bucky to, Clint is the one who reacts best to the moments when Bucky's mind catches on something and slips dangerously close to the Winter Soldier. It's something Bucky is grateful for, as much as he hates to think about the reasons why Clint is so good at making it clear he's capable of stopping Bucky from doing anything he'll regret. 

It's unnecessary this time, though. Bucky's brain isn't jarring on some buried trigger. It's just-- "That's Natalia's Mark," he says, eyes still on those stark black lines, her old name slipping out before he can catch it and hold it in. 

Clint blinks once, confused, before his face clears into understanding, his hand reaching down to press at the lines. "Yeah." He smiles, and it's not like the old soulmate smiles Bucky used to see in the 30's, it's darker and harder and fonder, somehow, like they had to work hard to earn each other, which doesn't make any sense, because finding your soulmate is the only step before having them. 

"So you two are--" Bucky breaks off, gesturing in a way that he hopes conveys the all-consuming thing that having a soulmate is, apparently, according to everyone he'd ever spoken to about it. 

"Soulmates?" Clint's hand presses a little harder. "Yeah. Yeah, she's-- mine." 

"Oh." Bucky clears his throat and tries to ignore the flush building high on his cheeks. He's flirted with them both -- Clint more than Natalia, admittedly, and with more intent, too, because Natalia's still that deadly little teenager, sometimes, in his mind -- but Clint, certainly, he's made it more than clear that he'd take Clint to bed, if Clint were so inclined. He might not know much about soulmates, but he knows it's rude to be overtly interested in someone who's found theirs. "I didn't-- nobody told me. I'm sorry." 

Clint hums absently, picking his mug back up and busying himself with his coffee, and then, maybe forty seconds later, he looks back up. "Why the apology?" he says, eyes narrowing over his drink.

Bucky goes cold with the thought of what he could be implying. "Not-- I haven't slept with her, I swear, I just-- all the flirting, it's not," he pauses. 

Clint is laughing. 

"I-- what's so funny?" 

"Bucky, honestly, I couldn't care less what you and Tasha get up to when I'm not around." Clint shakes his head, still laughing quietly into his coffee.

It's Bucky turn to blink his confusion. "But." He frowns when Clint looks up. "You're soulmates."

"Yeah." Clint shrugs. "Doesn't mean I own her. She can sleep with whoever she wants to. None of my business." 

"None of your-- how can you say that? Don't you care?" Bucky has seen men transform from meek and kindhearted to outraged at the mere suggestion that their soulmate might be sleeping with someone else. He's seen women tear at other girls' faces for daring to flirt with their soulmate. He watched his father beat his mother for so much as looking at another man, their soulmate bond always, always his excuse. 

But Clint just pulls a face and shrugs again. "Why should I care? It's her body, she can do what she wants with it."

"But she's your  _soulmate_ , and you've got no problem with-- with--" He can't even get the words out. "How can you not  _care_? She's meant to be the love of your life!"

Clint spits the mouthful of coffee he'd just taken all over the table between them. Bucky is worried for all of the thirty seconds it takes for Clint's spluttering to morph into laughter, and then he's straight back to confused. 

"Jesus Christ, Bucky," Clint manages, once he's got himself a little more under control. "Tasha? The love of my life? You're lucky she's not here right now, she'd probably gut you."

"I." The flush is back on Bucky's cheeks. "She's not? The, uh. The love of your life, I mean?" It sounds childish, now that all his righteous anger is muddled up with confusion. 

"God, no." Clint pulls another face -- this one is very clearly meant to be melodramatic disgust. "I mean, don't get me wrong, she's the most important person in my life. But we wouldn't last one day in love with each other."

Bucky is aware that it'll make him sound even more like a five year old asking about his Mark for the first time, but he can't help blurting, "But she's your soulmate." 

"Well, yeah." Clint frowns thoughtfully at Bucky. "It's platonic. Maybe a bit sexual at the beginning, but we got past that stage pretty quickly." 

"Platonic?" Bucky's palm presses absently against the curve of his shoulder, where his own Mark sits heavy on his skin. His voice comes out more vulnerable than he'd like when he asks, "That's possible?"

Clint's frown deepens for a second, and then his face softens slightly. It's a look Bucky is used to getting from Steve, and sometimes Sam. "Right," Clint says, rubbing at the back of his neck. He has the decency to look a little sheepish, at least, which Steve and Sam and even Natasha never do. "This is another one of those things which have changed a lot since the forties." 

"Yeah." Bucky's hand clenches on his shirt before he forces himself to drop it to the table. "I'm getting that."

\---

A little over three hours later he drops down onto Steve's couch and says, "Clint has Natasha's Mark." 

Steve looks across at him, and says, a little warily, "He does."

"But," Bucky continues, his voice purposefully light, "They're not together."

Steve's cheeks flush bright red, and Bucky knows that Steve knows where this is going. "No," Steve agrees.

"When I asked Clint, he said it's not-- he said soulmates don't have to be in love." Steve keeps watching Bucky, that flush high on his cheekbones. If Bucky doesn't look down, if he blocks out the noise of the TV behind him and the width of Steve against the cushions, they could almost be back in Brooklyn, teenagers ignoring the huge, taboo elephant in the corner of the room. 

Bucky's tongue catches clumsy on the back of his teeth. If he backed down now, if he kept ignoring that same elephant, Steve wouldn't say anything. This friendship they're building now, it's not the same as the one they had back then, before the war, but some things don't change.

Some things won't change unless Bucky makes them change.

Steve won't push -- he's made that obvious, almost painfully so -- not with anything but especially not with this, so it's up to Bucky. 

"He said." Bucky has to stop, to swallow carefully. "He said sometimes people fall in love with-- with people who aren't their soulmate."

It goes against everything they've ever been taught about soulmates. Relationships between people who weren't soulmates weren't just frowned up -- they could be fatal, if the wrong people heard about them. Couples had to have their Marks verified before they could marry. Some landlords refused to rent out rooms to pairs who weren't soulmates. It was  _wrong_ , on the most basic of levels, to fall in love with someone you weren't soulmates with. 

But, because nothing in Bucky's life could ever be easy, one lazy afternoon, Summer heat heavy around them, Bucky, with his concentric circles and his stupid, stubborn heart, had looked at Steve and the four intersecting lines (like a star, Steve's mother used to say, with a quiet, warm smile) between his shoulder blades, and realised he didn't want a soulmate if his soulmate wasn't Steve.

And now, still, even though his circles are still the same as they always were, even though Steve's star still sits at the top of his spine, Bucky feels something like hope flare up in his stomach for the first time since that day in June, all those years ago. 

Steve holds his gaze steadily as he nods. "It's-- people can do that, now. It's allowed." 

Bucky thinks of Steve, before the war, before the serum, a little drunk, pressing a hand to Bucky's chest, where his circles sat under his shirt, like a priest granting absolution for this sin, and saying,  _I wish I had them, too_. 

There's a cautious grin spreading across his face. "Were you ever planning on telling me?" he says, fingers fisted in his jeans to keep them from reaching out to Steve. 

"I didn't want you to feel like I was pressuring you into anything." Steve's hands twitch, too, and that's all the confirmation Bucky needs, his own hands releasing his legs to catch Steve's jaw. 

Steve's exhale shudders; Bucky can feel the air on his hands. "Tell me this is okay," he breathes, his thumb brushing the skin just to the left of Steve's mouth. 

"Yes," Steve replies, and his voice shakes, too, just a little. "God, Bucky, yes, always." 

Bucky digs his teeth into his own lip and feels the way Steve's breath catches at that. "I want to kiss you," he says. 

"Please." The word comes out broken, cracked in half by a ragged gasp as Bucky's thumb slides over to trace the swell of Steve's lower lip. Bucky laughs, and that's a broken thing, too, and then he's leaning in, his hand dropping away so he can kiss Steve properly, finally. 

Steve's hand comes up to rest over Bucky's circles, and it's heavy, Steve's palm is searing hot even through Bucky's shirt, but it doesn't feeling damning, not anymore, and when Steve's mouth opens under Bucky he tastes like coffee and chips, not sin. Bucky laughs like he's letting go of the devil as they pull apart, and when he rests his forehead against Steve's, on hand still curled around Steve's jaw, it feels like finally coming home. 

**Author's Note:**

> 'steve/bucky soulmate au where they aren't each other's soulmates and they never pursue a relationship w/ the other cause it's illegal and theyre not each other soulmates so yea maybe in another life they always silently think but then everything happens and they do have new lives they're in a new world, 70 years after the one they grew up in and suddenly after all the war and blood and death, going after the one person who's always understood you isn't so scary anymore and soulmates don't matter'


End file.
